I Am Incredibly And Dangerously Irate, But I Have A Good Reason

23 03 2009

For those of you who did not notice Logan Crane’s incredibly offensive column in the Tufts Daily today, grab a vomit bag and click here.  

Now, ladies, it’s only natural for you to go ridiculously insane over this article.   Your biological estrogen-meteroids are probably interacting with your overreactive emotonuerons in the crazocortex of your oversensitive female brains.  I have considerable evidence that women everywhere might be going insane because of this post because, well, I’ve been breaking things and exhibiting dangerously obsessive behavior since I read this a few hours ago.  But hey, don’t blame us females for trashing our apartments!  We’ve been severely emotionally damaged by this bullshit!

I am offended by Crane’s article, both as a Psychology major and as a feminist.  For those of you who couldn’t bear to click the link, here are a few choice passages from the fine scholarly research in the column.  The article begins:

Women are complicated beings. We have surging emotions and play complex games that can drive even ourselves crazy. If there isn’t a fight, we craft one, and as crazy as it seems, we rationalize our manipulative and convoluted ways.

From the get-go, Logan’s off to a fan-diddly-tastic start.  By claiming that women are somehow by nature manipulative and inferior in emotional control, the article is immediately offensive not only to feminists, but to biologists, psychologists, sociologists, women, oh and just about everybody else who knows anything about gender issues.  These stereotypes of women are misogynistic and completely untrue.  Logan, if the women that you have met are all like you describe, you have been hanging around the wrong women.

But wait, Miss Crane might at least have some bullshit evidence to back up her ridiculous claims about women’s nature.  Let’s read on.

I am most certainly aware that our behavior comes across as irrational and “crazy,” but there is considerable evidence suggesting that our madness might be justified. Stories always surface about those crazy girls who stalked a guy’s e-mail or had an emotional outburst, but what is always left out is that crucial detail: the circumstances that provoked the extreme response. Vital factors can explain extreme thoughts and behavior.

Whoa, now we are getting scientific.  Logan is about to present some “EVIDENCE” that women’s crazy behavior “MIGHT” be justified!  Because those stories you have heard about stalker girls, obviously apply to all of womankind’s behavior.  What could it be that is making all these womanfolks so gosh darned insane!?  Is it their ovaries?  Their menstrual cycle?  Their unhealthy diets interacting with their ovaries, their mammory glands, AND their menstrual cycular brain anatomy?  

It’s their experiences of course!  And Logan has conducted a very scientifically sound study with a sample clearly representative the entire female population.  By providing fun little anecdotes about the experiences of three women named Kara, Julie, and Susan, Logan provides convincing and statistically significant evidence that women’s behaviors such as stalking, invasion of privacy, and emotional outbursts are completely justifiable.  And, hey, Logan admits that women aren’t all that bad.  We are pretty good at some things, like detecting lies.

Women have an unbelievable intuition and are incredibly receptive to change in behavior. We find no reason to insistently pry through personal information without a belief that something is missing. Consider our minds working like a jigsaw puzzle: We are constantly piecing things together, and when the 999th piece is missing, we are determined to find the missing link.

Well, yes, this is absolutely scientifically correct!  The brains of men are incredibly complex structures enclosed in the cranium made up of a soft, convoluted mass of gray and white matter and over 100 billion neurons, each with 10,000 synaptic connections.  But the brains of women are in fact drastically different.  Women’s brains are also complex, but are two-dimensional structures made up of pink matter and 999 cardboard interconnecting pieces (which sometimes get all jumbled up Goddamit!).  But often one of those pieces is absorbed into the pink matter and then women display the common form of psychopathology known as “womanitis.”  The disorder is very dangerous, indeed.  Don’t believe me?  But…but…this is EVIDENCE.

Logan’s got some cold hard facts in the piece as well as psychological data.  The column goes on to mention:

love addiction — a dangerously complex condition that creates a chemical dependency on a significant other…a chemical dependency that develops in the same region of the brain as drug dependency. A person with this condition is capable of becoming reliant on a partner for happiness, sanity and his or her will to live.

Now, I don’t deny the possible existence of love addictions.  Sex and Love Addictions were not been listed in the DSM-IV Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as psychological disorders, but a lot of psychological research has focused on the subject, especially recently.  I do not know much about love addictions, and I will not pretend that I do know about love addictions.  And neither should Logan Crane.  Plus, what do love addictions have to do with the average female experience?  Logan implies that this disorder applies to the experiences of all women and can justify women’s irrational behavior.  Love addiction, as it has been described in studies, is a compulsive disorder, and is by no means representative of the typical woman’s mindset.

Logan ends the article by stating:

It is all too often that women are labeled irrational, crazy and manipulative. Our behaviors, however, result from complex issues and motives. Many relationships end as a result of men’s inabilities to communicate and understand a woman’s thought process. Although the explanation for extreme behaviors may not be easily detected, a woman’s reason behind acting out is a need for understanding.

This is the part of the article that irks me the most.  The beginning of the paragraph seems like the author is trying to fight against sexism.  Yes, it IS too often that women are labeled as “irrational, crazy and manipulative.”  But Logan doesn’t argue against this misogynistic view of women.  Instead, she concurs, but asserts that women act out only for good reason.  And then, Crane gets a jab in at men.  “Many relationships end as a result of men’s inabilities to communicate and understand a woman’s thought process.”  Because a little sexism against and stereotyping of men as incommunicative and insensitive is always the icing on the cake of a stellar journalistic endeavor.

If you will excuse me now, I must continue behaving irrationally and dangerously in response to this article.  Please try to understand, you insensitive and incommunicative man-species.  I have been understandably provoked.


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4 responses

23 03 2009
feminist3

Awesome.

25 03 2009
Crystal

I love this post. Amazingly well argued.

25 03 2009
Lorraine E.

Awesome post.

Dear Logan Crane: as long as we’re using vague reports of stories that may or may not be true as “evidence” of distinct emotional differences between men and women, here’s my argument:

I have had three relationships with men in my life, two lasting more than a year. In two of the three relationships, the guy did something “irrational and ‘crazy'”. In one, the guy drove his car into a ditch following a fight, and in another, he (not the same he) suspected I was in love with someone else, found my Facebook password on my computer, and went through my inbox. I have never done either of those things. Therefore, I conclude that men are “complicated beings [who] have surging emotions…” and they must “rationalize [their] manipulative and convoluted ways.”

25 03 2009
feminist2

What is also incredibly problematic is that Crane normalizes behavior like going through someone else’s email, Facebook, and text messages (AKA STALKING).

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