Sunday Stupidity

29 03 2009

We are back with more Saturday Stupidity!  Since we are a little late on posting, we are just going to call it Sunday Stupidity this time.  So, stuff we’ve heard this week from our fellow peers at Tufts that makes us want to pull our hair out:

“I want to pretend I’m gay or come out to my parents just to piss them off or see their reaction.”

This is an insensitive statement that romanticizes what it means to be gay.  It also said from a position of heterosexual privilege where one has never had to worry about homophobic comments or violence, where one has never had to repress one’s sexual orientation out of fear, where one has never experienced the barriers that LGBTQ individuals face in society.  For some people in the LGBTQ community, coming out is a privilege in itself.  Coming out safely, without worrying about retaliation or violence, can be a privilege for some people.  It’s not something to do just to piss off your parents or test their reaction.

Moreover, wanting to pretend that you are gay especially if you are straight is an insult to the struggles and oppression that the LGBTQ community has faced/continues to face today.  It also feeds into an aestheticization of the gay lifestyle – stylish, fashionable, fit, wealthy, good-looking gay men.


Last night, the Gender Blenders attended the WAM (Women, Action, and Media) party at club Caprice.  It was a really great time.  But for some reason, whenever I attend events for feminists, queer events, or even events sponsored by queer organizations, I get really strange reactions from my peers.  The WAM event was sponsored by QWOC (Queer Women of Color) and Allies of Boston, and a couple of people expressed concern or even outrage that I was attending the event at all.  One friend advised me:

That is not the kind of club you need to be going to.  You need a boyfriend.  You’re obviously not going to meet a boyfriend there!

Just to make it clear, my sole purpose in life is not the pursuit of a boyfriend, and I really can’t stand when people tell me that I need a boyfriend.  Plus, why would my friend assume that no straight men would be at the event?  And why would I want to meet men at a club anyway?  Gross.  Here’s another reaction to the party:

It’s really just rude to them for you to be there.  You’re not gay and you’re not black.  You’re giving them the wrong idea.

I’m sorry…WHAT?  The statement first of all assumes that I’m completely totally 100% heterosexual, second assumes because the event was sponsored by QWOC and Allies of Boston that it would only be queer Black women, third assumes that “of color” means Black people only, and then assumes that queer black women ONLY want to be around other queer black women.  The statement then accuses me of somehow being rude for wanting to attend this party in the first place.  Statements such as these perpetuate the segregation and other-ing of people of different races and sexual orientations.  Here’s another one:

Just make sure you don’t get hit on.  You don’t want those people hitting on you.

Who the fuck are “those people?”  Again, the statement assumes that everyone at the event will be queer women, and assumes that I would not want them to hit on me.  This statement implies that of course all queer women are attracted to ALL women they see and will automatically hit on other women in a rude and uncomfortable manner.  And I don’t exactly want to get hit on by straight men who I am not interested in, so why would being hit-on by a woman who I’m not interested in be such a different experience for me or the other person?  Good golly.



2 responses

18 04 2009

Thank you for posting this. I too am outraged at the ridiculous comments! What the hell?? Ugh. Anyway, I’m very glad that you had fun at the party :o)

18 04 2009
Queer Women of Color and Friends (QWOC+ Boston) » Blog Archive » A Feminist’s Thoughts on Attending the WAM!+QWOC+ Boston Takeover at Caprice

[…] from “Sunday Stupidity” @ The GenderBlender Blog Last night, the Gender Blenders attended the WAM (Women, Action, and Media) party at club Caprice. […]

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